When caring for someone with dementia, the way we speak to them isn’t just about communication—it shapes their sense of self. Language can be a bridge to connection or a barrier to dignity. Yet, too often, people living with dementia are spoken to in ways that, while well-intended, can feel patronising or infantilising.
The Problem with Infantilisation
Infantilisation— treating adults as if they are children—often happens unconsciously in dementia care. High-pitched, sing-song voices, overly simple language, and terms of endearment like “sweetie” or “good boy/girl” may seem affectionate but can feel demeaning.
This kind of speech not only strips away dignity but can also trigger distress or agitation. Imagine how frustrating it would feel to be spoken to in a way that doesn’t reflect who you are or the life you’ve lived. For individuals with dementia, that frustration can manifest as withdrawal, irritation, or other expressions that caregivers sometimes label as “behaviours.”
Dementia Behaviours: More Than Just a Reaction to Words
It’s important to recognise that communication is just one piece of a much bigger puzzle when it comes to dementia-related behaviours. Agitation, restlessness, or emotional distress can stem from a variety of factors:
Physical discomfort (pain, hunger, dehydration, or fatigue)
Environmental stressors (too much noise, unfamiliar surroundings, or lack of routine)
Emotional needs (loneliness, anxiety, or past experiences being triggered)
Sensory changes (difficulty processing sights, sounds, or textures)
While respectful communication can ease distress, it’s just as important to take a holistic approach—considering a person’s full experience and needs rather than assuming they are simply reacting to the words we use.
The Power of Meaningful Engagement
Instead of infantilising, we should focus on engagement that fosters dignity, purpose, and joy. Activities should be age-appropriate, personally meaningful, and supportive of a person’s cognitive abilities. This doesn’t mean avoiding all activities that might remind someone of their past—on the contrary, nostalgic engagement can be incredibly powerful when done with respect.
However, it’s also important to recognise that not all reminiscence is benign. Certain memories can evoke distress, anxiety, or trauma rather than comfort. A holistic approach to connection means being attuned to an individual’s emotional response and adapting interactions accordingly.
For example:
Instead of offering toys, provide familiar, interactive objects that align with a person’s past interests (e.g., a former seamstress might enjoy handling fabric swatches or a retired carpenter might enjoy sanding wood).
Instead of simplistic language, use a warm and engaging tone while respecting the person’s adult identity.
Instead of focusing on task completion, focus on shared experiences—a conversation sparked by a sensory activity can be just as valuable as the activity itself.
Creating Connection, Not Correction
Dementia care is not about “fixing” behaviours but about fostering connection. The best interactions are those that validate a person’s identity and emotions rather than dismissing them. Whether through conversation, activities, or simply sitting together in comfortable silence, respect and dignity should always be at the heart of dementia care.
By moving beyond infantilisation and embracing thoughtful engagement, we create an environment where those living with dementia feel truly seen, heard, and valued. And that’s something we all deserve—no matter our cognitive abilities.
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